There is no doubt that living with asthma can either be a non-issue and then there are the times when asthma feels almost impossible to live with.
My asthma “pep talks”
Recently, I have found that I have been needing to give myself some asthma “pep” talks and have been begun writing them down. This has turned into a love letter to myself, to remind myself that I CAN DO this and that it will not always be this hard.
Firstly, these letters have very little to do with diagnosis or finding route causes of my asthma. It is all about my own coping skills.
It started with really simple things, for example keeping track of symptoms on a sticky note with, you have “got this” at the bottom. Or the self-talk that I would give myself as I walked somewhere and noticed that I might it was talking more effort on a particular day.
I am fairly open to talking about my asthma but sometimes I just don’t want to burden other people with how I am feeling. I have the best caregivers and asthma BFF’s around but sometimes I feel like I don’t want to talk about it anymore, this grumble is usually followed with lot of expletives involving taking oral or even the fears I have about not recovering from exacerbation or missing out on something that I was really looking forward to.
Giving myself an outlet
I have used this process to give myself an outlet to help me express all the the feelings good, bad and ugly. Some of the letters include a negotiation with myself, I can sustain this treatment for amount of time, to deep dark Judy Blume type secrets like, “Is this the exacerbation that takes me?” What I learned especially from the “darker” letters is that I have gotten through the rough times, plain and simple. They have come and gone, not always with an easy or fast pace, but with work and patience. The most I can get through this, sometimes I reread the letters when I think that I can’t advocate for myself but then I realize that I can and have had endured or survived similar happenings.
My real wish
What do I want to ask of my asthma is for it to go away, get out of here, stop interfering with my life. Being okay with your asthma, sometimes means that the fight seems too much to bear and then knowing that I will be okay with owning it and that I know that I can rock it. Ultimately, the letters are a reminder that I own my asthma and it does not own me. How do you self identify outside of your asthma?